Here I am. I am writing a blog post about you. You may or may not read this, but I just needed to release what it is I feel inside. The only better way to do this would be to tell you in person, but as you know…1.) I am a coward, 2.) You have a significant other, and 3.) I know you wouldn't say anything back to me.
I've known you for a while now. But I've only started to like you in January 2012. It was seeing you at school, and how laid back you were. You were funny, and so very accepting and un-judging. Your personality comforted me; you made me feel like I was home. I could be myself around you and crack dirty jokes, not wear any makeup, eat in front of you, give you piggy back rides, have rap battles; the list goes on. You say I'm chill, and I'm happy you think so. And I like that no matter who we're with, you're always yourself and you never try to be cool or act a certain way. You were such a cool guy. And I began to think to myself that maybe I liked you. I kept my feelings to myself for a couple of months until I told my sister. At this point, I had already known you had a girlfriend and my sister told me not to tell you.
Then we started working together and it made me happy to see you every day. To hear your voice and laugh at your jokes, I felt lucky that I could be around a guy like you. And because we are friends I can look you in the eyes, which is difficult to do so with other people. They may not be green (or hazel for that matter), but a beautiful amber color in which I have not seen any eyes quite like yours which is another reason why I find it hard to look away. Unique as you are, I read a quote that reminded me of our friendship:
"Each relationship between two persons is absolutely unique. That is why you cannot love two people the same. It simply is not possible. You love each person differently because of who they are and the uniqueness that they draw out of you." –William P. Young
I share a part of me with you that I haven't shared with anyone; you draw a part of me out that no one else gets to see. And it's because of your personality and the way you make me feel and I know it's the same you, because it's the same for everyone. It's what we share with each other that makes our friendship so unique.
Just stop and think.
There are 7 billion people in the world and there is only ONE you and there is only ONE me. No two people are exactly the same, and I have the honor of knowing YOU the way you are now and today. If you don't think that crazy, then I don't know what to say.
I wish that I could do what I've always wanted to do to you. I've thought about kissing you…a lot, and more. I wonder if you've ever thought about me, if you've ever dreamt about me.
I hoped that the one night we got drunk together that something would happen between us, but we both know nothing did.
I follow you on tumblr, and I know you don't use it often. But I re-blogged a post which described what I feel inside for you and when I read it, it made me shed two tears. It wasn't cheesy, but very, very honest and…sweet.
Sometimes I think I am in love with you. I remembered you asked me once how many times I fall in love a day, and I said "Once, with you over and over again." I've dropped many hints of my interest in you, but I guess you never caught on. And when I told you I liked you in November, I used the past tense because I was afraid of what you would think. But I said it in so little words, and in a large context that I think you just shrugged it off. Part of me believes you would have shrugged it off in the first place…
Maybe it wasn't the right time.
Or perhaps no time would have been a good time. And maybe you don't like me back or you never will, not in a romantic-type way at least. Maybe I liked you at the wrong time, because you have a girlfriend. But I do remember you saying we can't help who we love, and I agree. To love someone is to be fully encompassed by their being. I read somewhere that you are in love when you can't ever see your life or live your life without that other person. So maybe I am in love, or maybe I just love you. Whatever differences they have, love is love just the same and it is powerful.
"Some people fall in love and touch the sky. Some people fall in love and find quicksand. I hover somewhere in between; I swear I can't make up my mind." –'Quicksand' by Incubus
I just wish that you could see what you mean to me.
I don't know if you think of me as a close friend, or just some girl you see a lot. But I would have to say that you just might be my best guy friend, because I can tell you anything and you know things that no one else knows about me, predominantly opinions. With me being one of the only girls in our group of friends, I feel like one-of-the-boys. And even when I have a crush here and there on other guys, you give me advice. But I've always gotten over those guys, and it's different with you.
I am fully aware that I am currently stuck in the friend-zone with no signs of moving. I am going nowhere fast, as they say.
I may not be your type. I may not be thin enough or stereotypically Mexican enough for you. Or my teeth aren't straight enough. Whatever it is…whatever it may be…
Just know that you had a chance with a girl who had a lot to offer and who passionately cared about you and you didn't take it because of one of the above reasons or one of your own.
I'll just be here waiting.
